Mar 12, 2025 | Mental Health
Fulfilling relationships and connections are essential for living happy, fulfilling lives. However, we often don’t critically examine whether what we were taught about relationships serves us. Life doesn’t come with a guidebook to tell us how to do these things. I will discuss where relationships can go wrong: codependency.
Healthy relationships are interdependent; both people support each other while maintaining their independence, boundaries, and personal identities. They take responsibility for their emotions/behaviour and have goals/fulfillment outside of the relationship. They remain connected by choice, not out of obligation, fear, guilt, or dependency. Caring for others is not problematic—persistent self-sacrifice is. Consider if any of your specific relationships are dysfunctional instead of labelling yourself “codependent.” The presence of codependency doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, but this doesn’t mean you can’t want better for yourself. Our care for others can coexist with our care for ourselves.
“Codependency” isn’t a clinical diagnosis but is, rather, a broad term used to describe a coping mechanism involving unhealthy attachment; at the cost of personal well-being, codependent people receive security, validation, identity, and purpose from others. Some view codependency as a “relationship addiction,” and I believe some people have even argued (unsuccessfully) for its inclusion in the DSM as a personality disorder in the past. Codependency often involves weak boundaries, low self-worth, fear, and emotional suppression/dysregulation; this leads to things like stress, anxiety/depression, and unbalanced, less satisfying, or abusive relationships. Codependency can affect romantic, platonic, familial, professional, and community relationships. It can be especially damaging for those in “helping” professions or those around people struggling with significant addiction/mental health.
Codependent behaviour is often a reflection of the behaviour learned as a means to survive or navigate a dysfunctional environment. Codependent behaviour in adulthood can also be the unconscious attempt to fill a void that was created in childhood. Often without realizing it, we often model in adulthood some or many relationship patterns we observed in our caregivers (e.g., parents repeatedly sacrificing their own needs to keep the family together/stable, parents being absent due to investing themselves in their work completely to provide for the family, etc.). While significant experiences in adulthood can certainly contribute to codependency, it often starts developing at an early age because of the lessons we consciously and unconsciously learned. There are many reasons why codependency can develop, but I will outline a few common contributors below.
Codependency often stems from childhood environments where emotional needs were unmet, where dysfunction was normalized, and where mental illness or addiction was present. Self-expression, boundaries, and emotions were dismissed, invalidated, or punished; this can lead to the belief that love is conditional on caregiving or peacekeeping. Children in dysfunctional families may suppress their needs to maintain stability, resulting in an identity based on serving others. They may take on caregiving roles for parents or siblings, whether through physical tasks like cooking and cleaning or through emotional tasks like making decisions for them or quelling their anger. The cycle of dysfunctional behaviour from caregivers reinforces their codependency, making them overextend to avoid conflict, rejection, or abandonment. These patterns are often passed down through generations. Without intervention, these patterns continue into adulthood and are unconsciously repeated in relationships, parenting styles, and social interactions.
Cultural and societal belief systems can reinforce values like self-sacrifice, duty, and putting others first. Some messages and lessons passed on might resemble the following:
These types of messages teach us that our personal needs and feelings are invalid or, at best, secondary. Regardless of whether these types of messages were explicitly communicated or implied, we internalize them and, unless we critically examine them, believe them to be objectively correct.
Our identities can become rooted in our relationships when we are denied exploration of our own wants, needs, and values. Being denied this exploration can make it difficult to distinguish personal desires and responsibilities from the desires and responsibilities of others. Continuous reinforcement of external success from family can exacerbate this issue. Praise and acknowledgement for choices or accomplishments caregivers deem valuable followed up with pressure to achieve more can instill the belief that love and approval are tied to external success and service to others. This can cause people uncertainty about what they truly want or need, and they often struggle to give themselves permission to feel their own emotions.
The conditioning I discussed in the previous section often results in certain schemas being developed. Schemas are like mental blueprints/filters that help your brain efficiently make sense of the world. They are composed of past experiences, beliefs, and assumptions that influence how you see things, react to situations, and make decisions. I like to imagine a schema as a pair of tinted glasses, with the entirety of what we have learned determining the colour of the lenses. While glasses help us see more efficiently, we will always see everything in a certain colour unless the tint changes.
We all care about others and what people think of us a little bit—there is nothing wrong with that. However, for people who struggle with codependency, the behaviours of others that challenge their established schemas can feel like threats/attacks against them, as denying them external validation is robbing them of their primary coping mechanism. I will provide examples here of codependent schemas influencing thoughts, feelings, and behaviour.
Thoughts
Feelings
Behaviours
Many parents struggle with the idea of not being able to “provide” for their children because their children have grown into adults. In codependency, the caretaking that was once developmentally appropriate—cooking meals, cleaning rooms, covering costs/rent, etc.—is still present. The move towards independence by the children jeopardizes the very identity of the parents, thus rendering the parents without purpose. To continue feeling needed, parents might sabotage their independence. However, the set of criteria for fulfilling one’s role does not need to be so rigid. Being a “good mother/father” for a child vs. an adult is supposed to look different. A change in behaviour does not necessitate a change in identity.
I describe codependency—which might differ from how others describe it—as attachment to the external. The concept of codependency can be applied to external things we see as extensions of us that we rely on to connect with others (e.g., familial roles, jobs, beliefs about “success,” money, material possessions, etc.). If your codependent schema ties your self-worth and confidence to your appearance, not only do you have to like the way you look on any given day for you to feel valuable and confident, others must also agree (i.e., provide external validation). What happens when you aren’t your desired weight, wearing the clothes you want, able to get a haircut, wearing makeup, looking how you used to, receiving compliments when others are, and so on? Your self-worth and confidence disappear as soon as the external “thing” you attached them to does.
While codependent behaviour does not cause the behaviour of others, shielding others from the natural consequences of their actions enables self-destructive, dysfunctional, irresponsible, and incongruent behaviour. The brain’s stress response is activated when it perceives a threat. When consequences that would otherwise drive change (e.g., financial loss, relationship losses, health Issues, legal consequences, etc.) are blunted or removed by codependent behaviour—called “negative reinforcement” in psychology or “bailouts” in recovery circles—the brain does not register a threat in its entirety, keeping them trapped in a cycle. This pattern can foster an “external locus of control,” where people believe their life outcomes are dictated by external forces rather than personal choices. Over time, this can contribute to “learned helplessness” and chronic stress. The dopaminergic system governs things like satisfaction, pleasure, reward, motivation, and reinforcement. Excess cortisol from chronic stress can deplete dopamine, driving people toward maladaptive behaviours or substances (e.g., drugs, alcohol, gambling, eating, shopping, video games, social media, etc.) to both restore balance and cope with stress, pain, suffering, shame, hopelessness, etc. With addiction, this tendency is not due to a lack of morals, self-control, or willpower. People with addictions or codependency are not inherently different or broken; their coping mechanisms are simply not serving them constructively. However, if you become the primary coping mechanism for others, it is more difficult for them to develop independent stress management skills, healthy coping mechanisms, and internal motivation for change.
Developing self-awareness by recognizing codependent tendencies is the necessary first step to recovering from codependency. To help with this, reflect on whether your own wellbeing, needs, wants, ability to communicate openly, ability to cope effectively, etc. come secondary to your relationship with something external (other people, work, material possessions, money, expectations, etc.). I will provide some more recommendations (in no particular order) below.
Sean Bays has been with Hôtel-Dieu Grace Healthcare since 2014, working in security for 4.5 years before transitioning to the role of Responsive Behaviour Navigator (RBN) for another 4.5 years. Currently, Sean is on a full-time contract as a Problem Gambling Counsellor, while his permanent role remains the RBN. He is an instructor at St. Clair College on the side and has also previously been consulted for post-secondary program evaluation.
Sean holds an Honours Bachelor of Arts (double major in Psychology and Philosophy) from the University of Windsor and a Master of Education (concentration in Teaching and Learning) from the University of Ottawa. Throughout his career, he has been actively involved in psychoeducation for clinical staff and has continuously worked on program development and process improvements. Sean also holds a Canadian Problem Gambling Counsellor (CPGC) certification and is registered with the Canadian Addiction Counsellors Certification Federation.
In his (limited) spare time, Sean enjoys staying active, writing, and spending quality time with his family, friends, and dog. He has co-written a TV show and is currently in the process of pitching it.
Feb 20, 2025 | Mental Health, Faces of HDGH
February is Psychology Month in Canada and Hôtel-Dieu Grace Healthcare (HDGH) wants to showcase the psychologists that work here and the role that they play in a patient’s healthcare journey. Clinical psychologists are mental health clinicians with doctoral degrees who are registered with the College of Psychologists and Behavioural Analysts of Ontario. At HDGH, psychology plays a part in a number of the adult services, as well as in the children's services at the Regional Children’s Centre.
In the Toldo Neurobehavioural Institute, which is our inpatient specialized mental healthcare facility, the clinical psychologist, currently Dr. Bethany King, provides therapy and assessment services and has the support of a part time psychometrist. The psychologist is a key member of the multi-disciplinary team, which is made up of psychiatry, nursing, social work, occupational therapy, certified rehab assistants, recreational therapy and consults on developing treatment plans for the 49 patients in this program.
HDGH also has a neuropsychologist providing services in the inpatient rehabilitation and outpatient Acquired Brain Injury programs. The neuropsychologist provides assessments (also supported by a part time psychometrist) to evaluate cognitive functioning and therapy services, as well as consults with the multi-disciplinary team. Dr. Anne McLachlan recently retired from this position after 30 years.
At the Regional Children’s Centre (RCC), three psychologists offer psychological assessment and consultation services to a variety of programs. Current RCC psychologists include Dr. Amanda Darroch, Dr. Jenna Jones, and Dr. Lauren Wysman. RCC psychologists offer psychological assessments to clients aged 6 to 12 years receiving outpatient mental health counselling and/or those enrolled in the Intensive Treatment Services (ITS) Day Treatment program to determine their cognitive, academic, behavioural, and socio-emotional functioning. They also run an Autism screening clinic and subsequent Autism diagnostic assessments for children and adolescents aged 6 to 17 years in the community; this is the only publicly-funded autism assessment program in Windsor-Essex for this age group. To complete this work, psychologists are supported by one full-time and one part-time psychometrist, who assist with Autism screenings and diagnostic assessments. In addition, RCC psychologists offer consultation services to social workers regarding treatment of complex cases and report reviews for those clients who have an existing assessment.
HDGH psychologists also offer supervision to doctoral students, primarily from the University of Windsor's clinical psychology graduate program, through practicum placements and are very proud to support the training of future clinical psychologists
Jan 20, 2025 | Mental Health
You might have heard people talking about "Blue Monday." This is supposedly the most depressing day of the year, falling on the third Monday of January. It is claimed that this is when we're hit with the perfect storm: the holiday cheer has faded, our New Year's resolutions might be slipping, the weather is gloomy, the days are short, and well, it’s a Monday.
But here's the thing - this concept started as a marketing campaign for a travel company back in 2004. The date wasn’t actually based on any real scientific research. While Blue Monday might not be scientifically proven, it does shine a light on something that is supported by research: winter can be tough on our mental health – especially in Canada.
Instead of getting caught up in the Blue Monday hype, let's focus on taking care of ourselves all year round. Here are some simple ways to boost your mood, especially during the winter months:
Get outside, even for just 15 minutes. Yes, it's cold, but natural light and physical movement can really help lift your spirits. Bundle up and take a quick walk on your lunch break.
Start a feel-good routine through habit stacking. This means attaching a small new habit to something you already do daily. For example, while your morning coffee is brewing, you could do some quick stretches. While waiting for your computer to start up at work, spend a minute organizing your workspace and setting your top three priorities for the day. When you link these tiny positive actions to existing habits, they're more likely to stick. Plus, each small win gives you a sense of accomplishment and gradually builds meaningful improvements in your routine.
Connect with others. Send that text you've been putting off or grab coffee with coworkers. Sometimes social connection, even just a quick chat, can make a big difference.
Remember, if you're struggling with more than just the winter blues, you don't have to handle it alone. If you find yourself facing a mental health crisis, you can reach out to our 24/7 crisis line at 519-973-4435 or attend the Mental Health and Addictions Urgent Crisis Centre in person at 1030 Ouellette Avenue (adjacent to the Goyeau street entrance of Windsor Regional Ouellette Emergency Department) from 8am – 8pm every day of the year.
Christopher Sterling-Murphy has worked with Hotel Dieu Grace Healthcare since 2021, first working on the Counselling and Therapy team at the Regional Children’s Centre, and currently working as a part-time Crisis Worker at the Community Crisis Centre. Christopher has previously served on the Equity, Diversity, Inclusion and Indigeneity Committee, the RCC Working Wellness Committee, and HDGH’s Wellness Committee.
Christopher is currently working towards a PhD in Social Work at the University of Windsor with a research focus on partnerships between law enforcement and social work, specifically crisis response teams. Christopher is also employed at the University of Windsor and the University of Toronto, assisting with research focusing on people living with HIV.
Aug 12, 2024 | Mental Health, Faces of HDGH
Summer is a time of fun and freedom for children, but it also poses a challenge for parents who are looking to keep their kids entertained in meaningful ways. It’s important for children to have the freedom to choose how they spend some of their time through the summer months. It is equally important to include structured activities to ensure children are engaging in various enriching and interactive activities. Working in children’s mental health, I have collaborated with many parents to develop ways to engage children in activities that foster creativity, learning, physical activity and social skills. Here are some of those tips!
Encouraging children to express themselves creatively can work to boost their mental health, confidence, and feelings of empowerment. This can include crafts, and also dance, drama, and music! Setting up an art station at home with various supplies can provide endless opportunities for creative expression. Consider these ideas:
While it is important that your child have a break from education, keeping their minds active with educational activities can be fun and exciting! Any time your child is trying something new, mastering a new skill, reading, writing, or being exposed to something for the first time, they are learning! Here’s a few ideas:
Physical activity is essential for children’s mental and physical health. Anytime your child is outdoors, they will expend more energy than when inside. Get your kids outside and get them moving! Here are some fun ways to keep your kids active:
Social interactions are crucial for developing important life skills like cooperation, communication, social skills, and empathy. Here are a few ideas:
As a parent, you play a vital role in ensuring your child’s summer is both fun and enriching. By incorporating activities that promote creativity, learning, exercise, and connection, you can help your child enjoy a healthy and balanced summer. Any time you get your child outdoors, moving their bodies, trying or learning something new, or spending time with others, you are promoting their healthy development and their mental health. Get creative, have fun, stay safe, and enjoy a great summer!
Aug 31, 2023 | Mental Health, Leadership, Community and Partnerships, Faces of HDGH
Every August 31st, we recognize Overdose Awareness Day, and I can’t help but reflect on the impact and stigma surrounding substance use. It’s crucial that we talk about these issues and shed some light on harm reduction and how individuals can access available supports and services.
Substance use continues to be a growing problem within our community, but it’s important to remember that we are not alone in this struggle. Communities across Canada and beyond face similar issues. Discussing the collective impact of substance use is vast and worthy of a blog in itself!
Let’s take a moment to remember the lives we have lost in our community from overdose. It’s heartbreaking to think about the lives we have lost as a result of overdoses. Each number represents a human being, a life, each with a unique story to be told, heard and remembered. These individuals are loved and deeply missed by their families.
While there is a delay in confirming overdose data, it is estimated that there were nearly 100 overdoses in 2022. It will unfortunately be a similar number for 2023. If the current trends continue, in 2026 it is forecasted that there could be 150 annual deaths from overdose in our community.
Overdoses can be intentional or unintentional and 98% are accidental. They can be fatal or non-fatal, with a staggering 70% of overdoses occurring in private dwellings. It’s essential to note that most overdoses can be reversed and prevented from death by using a medication called Naloxone.
I’ve had the opportunity to speak with families who have lost loved ones and each story is devastating. Some cope with their loss by giving back and becoming advocates for change. They develop a strong moral duty to do better and prevent others from experiencing the pain and suffering they have endured.
It’s important to understand the stigma addiction plays and the effect it has on individuals with addiction. The stigma is rooted in the misguided belief that addiction is merely a personal choice; that someone lacks willpower or has failed morally. Despite addiction being recognized as a treatable medical condition, it’s frustrating that the stigma persists. The stigmatization inevitably leads to feelings of shame and hopelessness, making it less likely for individuals to seek help and creating a major barrier for access to care. It’s important we work together to educate and influence those around us to end the stigma around addiction.
It’s important to understand that individuals with addiction can vary in their motivation to change. The best indicator of achieving recovery is the motivation for change. We know there are many individuals living with substance addiction and have no plans or motivation at the present time to change their behaviour. For this group, harm reduction methods are important because it offers methods for reducing known harms associated with substance use. For example, taxi cab and designated driver programs help reduce the harms associated with alcohol consumption. Similarly, providing clean supplies for medication use and distributing Naloxone can reduce harm for opioid users.
Mental health and addictions are often associated with one another, but there are unique elements with each disorder. If an individual has both a mental health and addiction issue, they should ideally be treated for both simultaneously.
The addiction system is designed in a way that there is no “wrong door”. This means that individuals should be able to access services independently, or get connected to other services through any various local addiction service providers. There are a variety of addiction treatment and service options available, ranging from less intensive treatment, such as a digital tool like Breaking Free Online, which uses cognitive behavioural therapy, to a more intensive treatment such as live-in addiction treatment program like those offered by the House of Sophrosyne and Brentwood.
Treatment options include inpatient or bedded treatment, outpatient counselling, day treatment, medication-assisted treatment, withdrawal management services, harm reduction, family and/or group counselling, mutual aid/self-help, and digital resources. The best addiction treatment strategy is one that is mutually established between the individual and their care team. I’ve spoken to many individuals in recovery. Each journey is unique, as is the treatment and services that aid them in achieving and maintaining recovery.
For an individual with an opioid use disorder, the best practice supported by medical evidence is the use of medication-assisted treatment, prescribed by an addiction specialist or primary care provider, along with psychosocial treatment. The most common medication used for opioid addiction is suboxone. A lot of people are hesitant to have to take medication to address an addiction. It’s important to understand that suboxone will satisfy the body’s dependence on opioids without the euphoric or “high” feeling. It is also possible to slowly stop using the medication as the individual becomes more resilient in overcoming relapse through psychosocial care, changes to their environment and supports.
Please take the time to reflect on the impact of substance use and the stigma that surrounds addiction. It's important that we recognize harm reduction strategies and the availability of support services. By working together, we can create a more compassionate and understanding community for individuals struggling with addiction.
There are many local resources available to help an individual access addiction treatment and services. At Hôtel-Dieu Grace Healthcare, the Withdrawal Management Services (WMS) program is often a natural access point for adults aged 16 years or older who are driven make healthier lifestyle changes, and are looking for support in their recovery process. Individuals who access WMS are offered brief supportive motivational counselling, case management, and positive client-centered discharge planning that supports holistic, positive life changes.
HDGH’s Addiction Assessment and Referral Program (AAR) is also a good non-urgent service that’s available on a walk-in basis. AAR helps individuals, aged 16 years or older, navigate community resources for addiction.
Patrick is HDGH’s Director of Mental Health and Addictions, overseeing inpatient Mental Health and Addiction (MHA) beds, bedded and community Withdrawal Management Services (WMS), inpatient (provincially accessible) and outpatient problem gambling and digital dependency services. Since 2017, he has been the Chair of the HDGH Mental Health and Addiction Patient and Family Advisory Council (MHA PFAC). In 2022, he received HDGH President’s Award for Excellence in Leadership Award. Outside of HDGH, Patrick is the Co-Chair of the Windsor Essex County Opioid & Substance Strategy (WECOSS) Leadership Committee and most recently a participant with the Windsor-Essex County Health Unit’s (WECHU) Stakeholder’s Advisory Committee for the proposed Consumption Treatment Services (CTS). Patrick continues to be actively engaged in various opportunities to discuss, raise awareness and improve mental health and addictions services in our community.
May 1, 2023 | Mental Health, Leadership, Community and Partnerships
This week we’re recognizing Mental Health Week from May 1-7, 2023. Each year, 1 in 5 Canadians experience a mental illness or mental health issue, but we all have mental health and need to care for our well-being. In this blog, Dr. Andrea Steen will share HDGH’s efforts to continue supporting those experiencing mental health and addictions illnesses in our community.
HDGH is known for its expertise in Mental Health and Addictions, providing a wide range of services for both inpatient and outpatient mental health and addiction diagnoses. People come to HDGH to receive help when they are in crisis, battling addictions, to see a psychiatrist and for support for chronic mental health problems. We have compassionate and well trained frontline nurses, social workers, crisis workers, occupational and recreational therapists and staff with lived experience to help those who are struggling. We work with so many great partners around the city and county, all with a special interest and knowledge in helping those experiencing a mental health and addictions crisis. Our partners include CMHA (Canadian Mental Health Association), our local police and EMS, the Windsor Essex Public Health Unit and many local counselling and support agencies.
As most Windsor-Essex County citizens are aware, we are working hard to get a new hospital for the region. But what many people may not know is the equally exciting news ahead for the Mental Health and Addictions space. To bring all the mental health services together into one space, for centralized care, smoother hand overs, quicker access, and a place that makes mental health and addictions a priority. As part of the provincial announcement in October of 2021, HDGH received news of the 68 Mental Health Inpatient Bed expansion to our hospital. This will be a new space, built within existing buildings that is built for the patient needs, comfort and safety. The other exciting part of the plan is devising a new space for Urgent Mental Health and Addictions patients to come when in crisis or need of service. HDGH has been working with community partners like Windsor Regional Hospital, local police and EMS, CMHA and frontline staff to devise the plan for this expansion. The plan is going to be submitted to the government in the next few months to wait on the approvals and next steps.
To have one hospital like HDGH be the hub for mental health and addictions services for Windsor and Essex does several important things for our community. It brings experts together who are truly passionate about caring for persons with mental health and addictions issues. It keeps the care in one place, which will improve communication between the staff and allow a better path of care for those who are struggling with an often confusing and disjointed system to navigate. It is our hope that our specialty hospital will grow with new physicians, nurses, support staff and peer workers, as well as attract medical learners of all kinds who are interested in this very special field of medicine.
This will truly be transformational for Windsor Essex and its residents and HDGH is very excited to be part of this project to bring better mental health and addictions care for all.
Dr. Steen is the Vice President of Mental Health and Addictions, Medical Affairs, Quality, and Research, and Chief of Staff at HDGH. She has over 31 years of clinical experiences and has worn many hats from providing hands-on tertiary inpatient psychiatry and outpatient services, to now overseeing the Mental Health and Addictions department. She has always been driven by her passion to care for patients and educates the community about mental health issues. In addition to her roles at HDGH, Dr. Steen is an Adjunct Professor at the Department of Family Medicine at the University of Western Ontario and Schulich School of Medicine and Dentistry.
Jan 16, 2023 | Mental Health, Faces of HDGH
Blue Monday is here again and what started as a marketing gimmick has turned into a widely recognized occasion. With short daylight hours and long, cold winter nights, combined with the end of the holiday season, it is not uncommon for people to feel depressed or suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD), depression or other mental health illnesses. Perhaps it’s not a coincidence that Bell Let’s Talk Day also happens shortly after – this year on Wednesday, January 25. These two events are a good reminder to reflect and talk about our own mental health and of those closest to us, while raising awareness to combat the stigma surrounding mental health, especially in the elderly demographic.
Julie Witcher has worked with the GMHOT for over 26 years. Early in her career she conducted assessments both in the community and Long Term Care. She currently acts as the Psychogeriatric Resource Consultant for Behavioural Supports Ontario in the Windsor-Essex County area with a specific focus on education of staff in long term care homes, retirement homes and community service agencies. In her spare time, she began taking virtual piano lessons during the pandemic and is now attempting to learn French - mostly to keep up with her 9-year old daughter.
Krista Skiba has been social worker in the community since 2002 and has worked in various departments at HDGH for the past 10 years. In 2017, she joined GMHOT and has become passionate about learning and working with the older adult population. Currently, she visits the 19 various long term care homes throughout Windsor-Essex County where she has built relationships with residents, family members, staff and administrators and offers individualized support to those referred who may be struggling with various mental health difficulties such as depression, anxiety, adjustment and grief. When not at work, she is a busy sports mom and enjoys walking. A fun fact about Krista is she can say the alphabet backwards!
Sep 8, 2022 | Mental Health
I love to write. I always have. So, when I was asked to contribute to this blog on the topic of loved ones and suicide I said yes without hesitation.
But then I had to write.And I have found myself experiencing writer's block.Not for any reason other than I have mixed emotions about this topic given my professional role as a mental health social worker and a loved one with experience of having watched a family member struggle with their mental health and take the steps to end their life.My belly is anxious as I type.There is no cure-all to suicidal ideation and/or thoughts of self-harm.It’s an issue layered with bold colours and no right answer despite loved ones seeking something concrete to help explain what and why this is happening to their loved one.What I can say with certainty is it’s ok to talk about it; as a loved one concerned, as a person struggling with suicidal thoughts. It is ok to talk. It is ok to ask. It is ok to feel sad, frustrated, and angry. It is ok to cry.There is no blueprint for suicidal ideation but what I can offer is some suggestive signs that may indicate your loved one is struggling with their thoughts.
These signs include, but are not limited to:
This is not easy for anyone. Not for the individual struggling or the loved one, family member, friend or caregiver. It is painful, worrisome and encompasses a new definition for fear of the unknown.
Because of this fear, we have to talk. We have to ask questions. We have to invite conversation, despite how hard it may be to hear, to ensure we are helping our loved with kindness, understanding and compassion. We do this by asking. Talking. Being open to hearing what is shared. And getting the professional support to be the best support we can be.
We take care of ourselves once we have our loved one connected to the appropriate support. To all readers, I strongly recommend you take care of yourselves by reaching out to supports like those offered at the Community Crisis Centre housed at the Crisis and Mental Wellness Centre at 744 Ouellette Avenue. The Crisis Centre is operated by Hôtel-Dieu Grace Healthcare and services include 24-hour phone support (519-973-4435) and walk-in service 7 days/week from 8:00 am- 8:00 pm. You, as a loved one, can attend the Crisis Centre and speak with a highly skilled Crisis Worker about what is occurring with your loved one and how to help them and yourself through supportive and educational counseling.
As a human who has watched their loved one struggle with their mental health and who has witnessed the frightening consequences of a loved one attempting to end their life, I ask you to remember that no matter how difficult the conversation may seem; no matter how hard it is for you to find the words; ask. Tell your loved one you are worried. That you are anxious. That you are scared. It is ok to be honest. And counter those thoughts with, I love you. You matter to me. You are a light in my life.
Sometimes, we all need that reminder.
Ivanka Simeunovic holds a degree in Master of Social Work and is a Registered Social Worker employed at Hôtel-Dieu Grace Healthcare since 2005. Her current position is a Crisis Worker on Windsor C.O.A.S.T, a community partnership between Hôtel-Dieu Grace Healthcare and Windsor Police Service.
To learn more about Mental Health and Addictions Programs and Service at HDGH including Windsor C.O.A.S.T visit https://www.hdgh.org/programsservices
Aug 12, 2022 | Mental Health, Faces of HDGH
August 12th is International Youth Day. For this Blog, we have a very special Q&A session from Malek Mekawi, HDGH Youth Advisory Council (YAC) Member as well as Student Trustee for the Greater Essex County District School Board. If you had any fear about the future of our world, you will fear no longer after reading more about this bright, talented, and driven Gen Z. Enjoy and breathe a little easier knowing our future is in good hands with youth like Malek!
My name is Malek Mekawi, and I am currently headed to the University of Windsor for Engineering this fall. Throughout the past few years, I’ve come to gain a deep concern, understanding, and passion for issues in need of social awareness. This led me to join not only the Youth Advisory Council at HDGH, but also seek the position of Student Trustee for the Windsor-Essex public board; GECDSB. I’ve come to meet many individuals across WE that have shared similar concerns and a drive to take action. Aside from my roles in youth advocacy, I am involved with several extracurricular activities in my school community, including student council, mock trials, and helping plan a series of fundraisers for those in need. I’m almost always talking and tend to be an outgoing individual, which allows me to better connect with my peers. Aside from that, I enjoy any and all Italian food and spend most of my free time binge-watching any action thriller I can find on Netflix.
I first joined the Youth Advisory Council (YAC) in the fall of 2019. A grade ten student at the time, I sought out opportunities to put my leadership and deep awareness of advocacy to use. I served as a Communications subcommittee member. Given the council was still relatively new, we worked collectively to spearhead our social media presence and promote the role of the council across Windsor-Essex. Over the course of two years, our committee worked to promote topics related to our mandate of social justice, mental health awareness, substance misuse and poverty in our community. YAC is comprised of three subcommittees that all complete unique tasks to drive change, though we’re all working towards one larger cause: youth awareness and advocacy. Working alongside other subcommittees and the council as a whole, communications shed light on all YAC initiatives, notably the Wellness Through Grace event held in May of 2021. Most recently, I moved from a communications subcommittee member to one of the Events committee co-chairs. This committee is more focused on the planning and execution of our initiatives. Through consultation with our partners, committee members, and youth, we work diligently to host engaging and informative events for students. The Youth Photo Voice Project was the first events-related task I had the honour of working on. The event enabled youth to capture issues across the community through a cinematic and photographic lens. Shedding light on issues that may be overlooked or surrounded by stigma. Students worked for several weeks to capture the perfect picture to help raise awareness on topics from climate change to mental health adversities. The events committee is also working alongside YAC committees, toward hosting our second Wellness Through Grace event in the fall of 2022. The event aims to promote key issues youth in the community value as students hear from notable speakers and experts from across the community.
Most people will often make note that youth are the future, while simultaneously overlooking their critical insight and opinions. It’d be an understatement to say youth hold a unique outlook on life. The input of youth is unlike anything else, given our deep understanding of current trends and issues. As health care continues to progress, institutions like hospitals are required to uphold greater responsibility in the community. Beyond simply serving the emergent medical needs of community members, it is vital that those in positions to engage in preventative care by sharing their knowledge, like health care professionals, work to engage with the communities they serve. There is no better way to truly understand the needs of the constantly evolving generation than to involve them. Involving youth in health care settings helps bring awareness to stigmatized issues that may be evolving within our generation, issues only we can truly understand and work to resolve. The Youth Advisory Council works to do just that, echo the voice of youth in a health care setting. Issues evolve and adapt to the times, so the way some issues are approached needs to change too. Inviting fresh ideas and insight from youth allows hospitals to uphold their vow to truly protect and serve their communities.
The Youth Advisory Council is hard at work planning our second annual Wellness Through Grace event. It offers an opportunity for like-minded youth across Windsor-Essex to engage in an informative, exciting and unique social awareness event. The emerging themes of WTG come directly from our mandate, which we’ve worked on extensively to ensure YAC is representative of the various issues across Windsor-Essex directly impacting youth. This year, students will hear from exceptional guest speakers on topics of mental health, social justice, substance misuse, poverty and a Let’s Get Real session focused on broader and stigmatized concerns.
The Wellness Through Grace event was founded to empower the youth of tomorrow by spreading awareness of ongoing issues in our community. If youth really are the leaders of tomorrow, then we must work towards providing the necessary resources to inspire change, and that begins with relearning stigmatized and seemingly simple issues. WTG will focus on a wide range of issues concerning youth and by the end, we hope students will be inspired to take action in some capacity.
Student participants are encouraged to work within their school communities to create groups focused on tackling a proposed issue. We strongly encourage all high school youth in the region to participate. Teachers are also encouraged to sign up their classrooms for a full day of thoughtful learning. Individuals may register by visiting the link in our Instagram bio, @hdghyac. Students will also be able to register by visiting our platform link.
This year’s theme for International Youth Day reiterates the idea that no one should be left behind, by inviting collaboration amongst all generations, to foster a better future for all individuals. Creating a world for all ages is more than just inviting ideas from across the board. We must work as a collective to hear each other out, truly learn one another’s perspective, acknowledge the work that needs to be done and work towards formulating a solution where all are treated equally, with respect and integrity. Now, more than ever, controversy divides our communities, usually stemming from our lack of understanding for one another. As the leaders of tomorrow, it is up to our youth to prevent that continuous cycle.Intergenerational solidarity starts with a conversation. I encourage all my fellow youth to consider an issue they value and use it to evoke conversation with those from previous generations. As opposed to simply researching the headlines, look into how these issues have evolved, from one generation to the next. Consider how and why previous generations have failed to resolve the matter. To truly work towards an everlasting solution, we must equip ourselves with the knowledge of those before us. Generation Z is strong, resilient, and smart. So, to Gen-Z, use that to embark on a journey of social justice and awareness. However, such an initiative should be inclusive of the intersectionality that exists. Next time any of you decide to step up and take action, do so by inviting help from your parents, cousins, friends, teachers, mentors and so forth.Lastly, to promote solidarity across all generations, it is important to continue to be understanding of one another. Ahead of jumping to conclusions when a controversial conversation is struck, try to uphold respect for others and be understanding of their perspective, regardless of how difficult that may seem. If we can continue to host valuable conversations and pinpoint arguably outdated ideals, we can work towards fostering a system that will grow and prosper for all. We should be working as one, to ensure one generation's errors are everyone’s responsibility, otherwise, we will never truly evolve as a society.
We may not be able to control the time era we’re born into, but we can surely make the most of it. I’m finally heading to university next year, and if there’s anything 18 years of being part of “Gen-Z” has taught me, it’s that nothing is truly impossible. My generation embodies the spirit of true natural-born leaders, in all forms. There are no overlooked issues, no tolerance for harmful outdated ideals and certainly, there is no such thing as giving up. The leaders of tomorrow are unlike anything the world has seen before. Our commitment to resolving the issues of previous and current generations is evident. This generation can band together in seemingly impossible situations, to be heard, be seen, and enact true change. My generation was born to fight, overcome and make noise.